Category: Lame

Gareth Bale and an unfinished hand job pun

Screen shot 2013-06-19 at 7.33.07 PM

Gareth Bale is trademarking his stupid hands-in-a-heart-shape goal celebration, and plans to use the image rights to sell stuff. Stuff like jewelry and “head gear”.

Put aside the sheer inanity of trademarking a hand gesture: it leads too quickly to misanthropy and dejection. Who is going to buy Gareth Bale jewelry? This is mystifying! And head gear… where to start? The predictive powers that be are saying this little bit of abstract property will bring him several million dollars a year.

I feel like in the distant pass this sort of deal was made with the devil, and involved losing some portion of your soul/firstborn child. Trade the joy of a moment for cash, celebration for dividends. But this is definitely way too lame for the devil… it’s the work of a midlevel, self-hating demon at best.

Part of the trademark is the number 11 inside the hearting hands, which immediately made me wonder what Bale was going to do when he ditches Tottenham. The answer turns out to be pretty simple: Real Madrid is saving the number for him. Perfect.